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Love Stories
Mars and Venus
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of
men and women differ so much. And I never have figured
out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart.
For Example:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you
to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the
planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional
needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical
needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't
you just love me for who I am and not what I do
for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that
night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of
work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice
lunch and then went shopping at a big unnamed department
store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different and very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told
her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes
to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets
get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell
you... she was so excited. She must have thought
I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to
play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling
with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I
think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw
dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch
with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going
to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love
me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...
but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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