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Today I Will Tell Her I Love Her
It all started when I was 6 years old. While I
was playing outside on my farm in California, I
met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased
you and then you chased them and beat them up. After
that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept
on meeting and beating each other up at the fence.
That only lasted for a little while though. We would
meet at the fence all the time and we were always
together.
I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet
he would just listen to what I had to say. I found
him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about
everything. In school we had separate friends but
when we got home we would always talk about what
happened in school. One day I said to him that a
guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just
comforted me and said everything would be okay.
He gave me words of encouragement and helped me
get over him. I was happy and thought of him as
a real friend. But I knew that there was something
else about him that I liked. I thought of it that
night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing
that I was feeling.
All through high school and even through graduation
we're always together and of course I thought of
it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that
I really felt differently. On graduation night even
though we had different dates to the prom I wanted
to be with him. That night after everybody went
home I went to his house and wanted to tell him
that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my
big chance and all I did was just sit there with
him watching the stars and talking about what I
was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked
into his eyes and listened to him talk about what
his dream was. How he wanted to get married and
settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and
successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream
and cuddle next to him.
I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how
I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that
I loved him but I was too scared and frightened.
I let my feelings go and told myself that someday
I would tell him just how I felt. All through college
I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with
him. After graduation he got a job in New York,
I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad
to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell
him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now
that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept
it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I
cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going
to be the last time. I went home that night and
cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell
him what I had inside my heart.
Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked
my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what
I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with
an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I
was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that
I could never be with him and that we could only
be friends. I went to the wedding the next month.
It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and
the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and
of course him. I fell in love one more time. But
I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be
the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun
that night but it was killing me inside watching
him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering
up my sadness tears inside of me.
I left New York feeling that I did the right thing.
Before I left on the flight, he came running out
of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was
very happy to see me. I came home and just tried
to forget about what went on in New York. I had
to go on with my life. As the years went on, we
wrote to each other on what was going on and how
he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he
never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried
as to why he hadn't written anything for a long
time after I had already written 6 letters to him.
Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad
in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me
at the fence where we used to talk about things".
I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him,
but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged
until we couldn't breathe anymore.
Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't
written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't
cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house
and talked and laughed about what I had been going
and to catch up on old times. But in all of this,
I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the
days that followed, he had fun and forgot about
all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love
again with him. When it came time for him to leave
back to New York, I went to see him off and cried.
I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me
every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait
for him to come so I could be with him. We would
always have fun when we were together.
One day he didn't show up like he said he would.
I figured that he might have been busy. The days
turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then
I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York.
The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident
going to the airport. And that it took this long
till everything was settled. It broke my heart.
I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew
why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted.
I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache.
Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy
like him?
I gathered my things and went to New York for the
reading of his will. Of course, things were given
to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to
meet her since the last time we met at the wedding.
She explained to me how he was and how he always
provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always
try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as
he was that night at their wedding. When the will
was read, the one thing that was given to me was
a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried
as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think.
Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back
to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered
the good times that we had together. I started reading
the diary and what was written.
The diary was started with the day we first met.
I read on till I started to cry. The diary told
of him saying that he had fallen in love with me
that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid
to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was
so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how
he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too
afraid to say anything. It told of when he went
to New York and fell in love with another.
How the happiest time he had was seeing me and
dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined
it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till
he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the
best time in his life was to read the letters written
to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said,
"today I will tell her I love her". It
was the day he was killed. The day I was going to
finally find out what was really in his heart.
If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to
tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come
at all.
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